what the fuckc was spy kids anyway
Excuse me what
Wake up early
Life: Lol jk, you slept 40 hours straight
Bus comes early and I’m late
Takes 10 minutes to get ready
Rushes out the door
Not as late as I was before for some reason
Jump and stick to the side of the bus
Bus driver gets out of the bus and peels me off
Also, bus driver is a crustacean
Dad tells me to take a bath so my pants won’t match my shirt as much
I write a novel instead
I come outside and get in his truck, and Jackie Chan is there
He says I’m driving
I start up the car and the steering wheel is an Xbox controller
Car starts to fly
I cause 9/11 on way to school
We get there, and school is decorated like Halloween
Crazy things are everywhere.
20 minutes till class starts, I decide to look around
The school is fucking sweet
I want to go to class now but can’t find my way
5 minutes till class starts and all the cool crazy shit gets creepy
2 minutes till and walls start to bleed and say excuse me in French accents, conga line turns into human centipede, and frank the friendly mustard salesmen says fuck for no reason.
I find a random ass stairway and walk up it
I find my class, its psychology with Stucker
(Fun Fact) Because he runs a flipped classroom, all the chairs were bolted to the ceiling
I lie on the ground and cry.
Stuck man asks me what’s wrong
I tell him the fucked up shit going on outside his door
He’s more concerned about why I’m 20 years late to class.
I look at the clock dramatically and it doesn’t help
Notices that the class is elementary kids and they won’t stop laughing
I look down and I’m naked.
Stucker notices I’m embarrassed and says “let me try to comfort you”
He throws me back into the halls
End of dream
Some snakes are super light and can flatten their body to glide through the air. The air used to be safe. Snakes don’t need planes anymore.
why is this hilarious to me
LIFE HAS MANY DOORS ED-BOY
I SPIT MY DRINK
"I miss dinosaurs."
"Evolution, we’ve talked about this."
"But I miss them.”
"It’s not the same."
"I know. I’m sorry."
"Can I at least make these cassowaries 50 feet tall?"
"Come on, you know that size didn’t work out so well before."
"Six feet, then? And over 100 pounds?"
"Yeah, that sounds better."
"And can I put weird prehistoric crests on their heads?"
"I don’t see why not."
"And can they slash people’s throats with their dagger claws?”
"Sure, pal, if that would make you feel better."
"I think it would. Thanks for understanding."
"You got it, evolution. Anytime."
wow I didn’t know fuckin chocolate eggs were gendered
OKAY LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT THE FUCKING PINK EGGS.
I work at a concession stand in an ice rink. We sell a bunch of chocolate bars and snacks and shit including Kinder Surprise eggs.
So one day this woman comes up to the counter with her two little kids, a girl who’s probably about 6 or 7 and a little boy, maybe 3 or 4. The mom asks what they want, the little girl points at the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if she wanted the white or the pink egg. She said pink. The little boy pointed to the Kinder eggs and says “One of those!”. I asked if he wanted the white or the pink egg. He said pink. HOLY SHIT IT WAS LIKE I OPENED THE GATES OF HELL. The mom absolutely FLIPPED and was like “YOU ARE NOT GETTING THE PINK EGG IT’S ONLY FOR GIRLS. YOU CAN GET THE WHITE ONE OR NOTHING AT ALL”. The little boy looked at his mom and said “But I want the same as ______ (whatever the sister’s name was)”. The mom completely ignored him and turned to me and gave me a death glare. “He can have the white egg.”
I had to give a little boy a white egg when he wanted the pink so that he could be the same as his big sister and he started crying. The mom just reiterated that the pink egg was for girls and told him that boys don’t cry.
And this is why we shouldn’t gender fucking chocolate eggs.